The holidays, Christmas and New Year can be a wonderful time of year, however, can also come with significant stress. For some, it is a reminder of difficult or even distressing childhood experiences. Below are some helpful ways to nurture your relationship over the holiday season.
Share stories with each other. Share stories with each other about what Christmas, New Year, time with family, and pausing the busyness of work means to you. If there are stories that help explain why certain events or things are particularly joyful or triggering for you, share these with your partner and help them to see deeper into your inner world. If your partner is sharing an important story with you, stop, listen, be curious and ask questions. If there is anything you need to make the time of year easier, help your partner by letting them know what you need in a positive way.
As you reflect on the year coming to a close, consider what you value and appreciate most about your partner. What are the small things (and the big things) they have done for you and your relationship, and what have their achievements been. Let them know what you love most about them by sharing specific admirations and appreciations with them.
Be balanced in how much you commit to, and ensure you plan quality time together. Make time for fun and adventure together, whatever this may look like for the two of you whether it be hiking or checking out a new restaurant. Make time to check in with each other and continue having daily conversations where you debrief about any stressors. If your partner needs to complain about something that is stressful for them, put your phone to the side, listen attentively, empathise, and take their side.
If any significant challenges come up, take the time to sit down and have a deeper conversation. Listen to each other without interrupting, ask questions and clarify your understanding. Try to understand the deeper meaning within each other’s perspective, look for where you are aligned, and where you may be able to compromise to come to an agreement. (for more information on avoiding the four horsemen see this blog). If you think your relationship could benefit from support, please contact Bonnie Ingram Psychology.
