For some, the holidays can be a particularly challenging time of year. At a time when families and loved ones come together, anyone who finds themself alone, has difficult family relationships, or a childhood history of complex trauma may find themselves triggered, distressed and feeling lonely. Here are some ideas on how to keep yourself safe and in a good place during a tough time of year:
- Consider any situations that could be particularly triggering and create a plan as to how you might handle these so you’re not working it out in the moment. For example: if you are visiting family on Christmas day and you know your Aunt Moira is likely to start telling you you need to lose weight (especially if this is something you were shamed for as a child), keep the visit short, or think about a reason to leave early if you feel uncomfortable.
- Avoid spending time with perpetrators. For anyone who experienced abuse from a family member or family friend as a child, depending on whether the family is aware, and how they responded if they were made aware, it is often possible that a perpetrator of abuse (physical, sexual, or emotional) will be present for family events. Make your decision based on what feels right for you, and don’t feel obliged to be present with a perpetrator if family members have chosen to turn a blind eye to the seriousness of your experience.
- Spend time with people in your life who you feel most safe with. The kind and compassionate people who understand that it’s not an easy time for you. These might be close friends, specific family members, or even workmates.
- Self-soothe – Comfort rather than numb. Numbing involves emotionally disconnecting from oneself through intense behaviours like excessive drinking, doom scrolling, binge eating, gambling (the list goes on). Self-soothing involves comforting oneself through moderate pleasurable activities like cooking a nice meal for oneself, practicing yoga or mindfulness, being in nature, a bubble bath, listening to music or watching a favourite TV show.
- Self-compassion. It is common for persons with complex trauma to feel stressed around the holidays. Try to pay attention and foster awareness of how you feel; you might feel sad, lonely, or even angry. Be aware of your humanness; it is normal to feel sad about a loss or angry if someone hurt you. Be kind to yourself. Once you have identified how you’re feeling and put it into context of your experience, be compassionate towards yourself. This might sound like: this is a really difficult time for me and it’s ok to have big emotions, it’s important to take good care of myself.
If the trauma triggers you are experiencing are getting too much to bear, trauma therapy may be helpful. To find out more contact Bonnie Ingram Psychology.
